She Speaks Her Mind

Winter Storm

Kaydee — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 03:50:09 +0000

A Trip To The Park

Kaydee — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 22:21:15 +0000

We are a one car family. That means we don’t take very many adventures away from our neighborhood. (And our neighborhood isn’t that exciting to a almost 2 year old.) We don’t have any parks within walking distance of us that aren’t on school property, and you can’t go on school property while school is in session, so we don’t make it to the park very often either.

Today, grandma came to visit and took us to the park.

He was like a bird let out of his cage. He was free to run and play. His smile was ear to ear.

It was cold and wet, but I didn’t care. I just wanted him to have fun. So he climbed through damp tunnels and slid down wet slides.

It was hard to get a picture of him because he was just on the move the whole time.

He chased the ducks and didn’t bother to stop at the edge of the water. He just went right on in to his calves. Grandma had to go in after him.

No worries. We just tossed him in the bath when we got home, fed him a good lunch, and now he’s down for the count.

Negative Self-Talk

Kaydee — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 23:13:15 +0000

I came across this post the other day and she just so simply stated what has been on my mind lately. I was again reminded of how I can let my negative self-talk take up residence in my mind. Not only do we sometimes let others infect our minds with their hurtful words, but we can allow the flood waters of our own hurtful words wash over us within the four walls of our own home.

I tend to do this often. I make a mistake, catch my reflection in a mirror, or forget something important and instantly I start tacking up 4 x 6 cards on a cork board in my brain with words like stupid, idiot, fat, and ugly on them. Let me tell you, I’m running out of room on my board. Granted, I’m just repeating the same words over and over again and they’re just overlapping each other, but still, that’s far from the point.

The point is, these are all lies the enemy wants me to believe about myself. And the more I tack up those cards, the more I actually start to believe them. Lately, I’ve just been sick and tired of beating myself over the head with these lies. (Here would be a window of opportunity to tack up anther card, but I’m refraining.) Even though it’s going to take a lot of work and discipline, and I will fail at times, I want to stop thinking negatively about myself. I want to start tacking up cards with truths on them.

So, here I go. I’m taking down the old cards and tacking up some new ones.

Chosen. Beloved. New Creation. Forgiven. Loved. A Treasure. Daughter to The King.

I challenge you to do the same because we are all guilty of this from time to time. And, if you catch a friend of yours doing this to themselves…why not gently give them a word of truth to replace the card of negativity that they are trying to hang up. Friends don’t let friends believe the lies the enemy is trying to force feed them.

A good study that I started (and never finished, but hope to) a few summers ago is Me, Myself & Lies by Jennifer Rothschild.

Dreaming Of Warmer Places

Kaydee — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 01:42:43 +0000

I am so cold. Like cold to the bone. I’m not typically someone who gets cold. I always joke that I’m going through early menopause at the ripe young age of 29 because I can have serious hot flashes and when I’m hot, everyone is almost always not.

It’s not even freezing temperatures here in the Seattle area. It’s cold, but not freezing cold. We had a very mild summer, fall, and we are even having a mild winter. Because of the mild summer last year, we only had about 1 or 2 weeks in a row of real summer sunshine with temperatures reaching the 80′s, with a few days here and there in between. Because of that, it felt like summer just never arrived.

I am dying for some sunshine and warm weather. More specifically, I want to be somewhere where there are sandy beaches to bury my toes, rolling waves the temperature of bath water, towering palm trees to shade my eyes, and where it rarely dips below 70. So basically, California, Florida, or better yet Hawaii!

Anyone want to adopt me for a while?

Crib

Kaydee — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 00:01:37 +0000

I had just returned to the kitchen after rummaging around in the spare room for some crafting supplies, when I heard this crash/thud from down the hall. My first thought was something had fallen in the spare room after my scavengering. But as I made my way down the hall, I stopped at Liam’s door, who had just been put down for a nap, wondering if maybe the noise had come from his room, as it had sounded closer than the back bedroom at the end of the hall. So I peaked in his room. To my surprise, I found him on the floor by his crib. The kid had scaled the railing of his crib and fell to the floor below in a heap. A wave of shock washed over me and I just stood there looking at him as he got up and, with his proud little face, walked right past me stating that he had gotten out of his crib.

To this point, he has not tried to climb out of his crib. Pack-n-play, yes. Crib, no. I’m thankful that, as far as I know, his only battle wound is a scratch on his face. Time will only tell. The only tears shed, were the ones accompanied by the realization that punishment was to follow.

I was hoping that we had a little more time before we needed to make the move to a big boy bed. Mostly because I’m not looking forward to the training that will go along with it (i.e. getting up multiple times after being put down, playing with toys instead of in bed, or waking up to little eyeballs staring back at me before I’m ready to get my lazy butt out of bed).

I knew this day would come, but I’m not ready for my baby to be old enough for a real bed. I still want to be greeted by his blue eyes and smiling face peering over the railing as I come in to get him in the morning. Instead, it will be my sleepy eyes trying to adjust to the enthusiasm of a little boy who is so proud of the fact that our roles have now reversed.

Wordless Wednesday {Scene From Christmas}

Kaydee — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 16:00:24 +0000

My grandpa and my son
(photo by – Toadsphotos.com)

Merging Back Onto The Highway

Kaydee — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 23:50:30 +0000

I’ve been sitting in front of my computer screen with my fingers resting on the keys for 30 minutes now. How do I begin? Technically, I began with my last post declaring my re-emergence onto the blogging highway. But, really. How do I start? I feel uncomfortable. What was once easy when I started years ago, now feels awkward.

When I last posted in 2010, I left you with part 3 of my birth story. What should have followed that, was the journey I was now on raising a son. With of course some rants and raves about random topics that were interesting to me at the time. Instead, I disappeared. Not just from blogging, but from myself. I had a baby and for some reason I locked myself up within me and fell into the role of a mother, not allowing my voice to still be heard. Even if it was on this little blog and only to a few followers.

What a mistake that was. I should have kept going. Journaling about the joys, the sorrows, the triumphs, the failures, the highs, and the lows (some pretty low lows too), but instead I talked myself into believing that nobody wanted to hear about that. Especially my lows. So I stopped.

Looking back, I now know that was such a mistake. Instead of holding all my thoughts inside me, feeling like I didn’t have a voice anymore, I should have let it out. Regardless of what I thought others might think. I should have said how I love being a mom and how I can’t keep my eyes off of him, I’m so in love with him. Or that some days I feel like such a failure and because of me, he’s probably going to need years of therapy. Instead, silence.

Silence can be so deafening too. When you don’t let what you’re thinking out and share it with others, it just bounces around in your head, echoing to the point of exhaustion.

So bear with me. It’s going to take me a while to become comfortable with what used to be so familiar. To find my footing and speak my mind again. But I’m dusting out the corners of my mind and opening a window to let some fresh air in. Putting one foot in front of the other and merging back in.

How (Kaydee) Got Her (Blog) Back

Kaydee — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 07:56:36 +0000

Hi! I once blogged with great expectations. Then half heartedly. Then not so much.

It’s 2012. What better time than to put my fingers back to the keys in a resolution to do what I once loved.

And what better time than 11:58 pm at the close of January 1st.

So here it goes.

I’m back baby!

The Birth Story – Part 3

Kaydee — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 20:24:32 +0000

I just have to say that I think God didn’t even out the consequences of sin very well. Somehow I think women got the short end of the stick. Why? Well, although labor pains are a short term experience, always having to battle weeds is not only a consequence for the man. A man will never experience the pains of labor, but a woman will sometimes have to battle the weeds too. Are you tracking with me? I hate gardening, yet I am the one that usually does it.

Any hoo…

(To those of the male nature, this would be the part where you might get a little more information than you wanted. Consider yourself warned. I probably should have posted this at the beginning of part 1 as you probably got more information than you wanted to read from the very beginning. Oh well.)

So where was I? Right, I was enduring that horrible birthing stool.

My midwife had told me that when it comes time for pushing, the contractions would feel different and I was surprised how true that was. While sitting on the birthing stool, the contractions where no longer centered in my abdomen, but more in my back. Oh the back labor. That was INTENSE.

I then made my way to the bed for the remainder of the pushing and the contractions changed again. Now I was feeling them in my butt. It was actually a nice relief. I could be more coherent during pushing and in between contractions.

This was about the time that Jonathan took a bit of a siesta. I was surprised that he could sleep through my squeezing his hand. Having worked with my midwife, I have held my fair share of hands and one time thought a lady was going to crush my fingers. Obviously he was exhausted. Never mind that I was exhausted too, but couldn’t just catch a few winks. I was kinda busy pushing a baby out my hooha.

Pushing, pushing, pushing…

I don’t know how long I actually was pushing. It felt like a long time and like I wasn’t making any progress. Then I heard…“I can see hair on his head”. Not a big surprise. Have you met my sleeping husband next to me? He is a bit hairy.

Jonathan thankfully woke his butt up by now.

Finally I was feeling the progress I was making. It was weird. As I was pushing I could feel the 1 step forward, as the head was moving down, but also the 2 steps back as the head would rock back. Then there was the sneak attack of the RING OF FIRE (said with a loud booming voice and an echo). This was a sensation on a whole different level all on its own. And it didn’t help when my midwife was adding to the burn by trying to help stretch out my perineum. OH GOOD GOD ABOVE, MY VAG IS ON FIRE!

Pushing, pushing, pushing…

I was having a hard time getting his head to pop out. Liam’s vitals were just fine and I was doing my best efforts to push him out, but it just wasn’t happening. At this point my contractions were starting to dissipate as well. FRUSTRATION. This is where more nipple stimulation happened to get the contractions to rev back up again. My midwife said that if Liam’s vitals started dropping she would have to give me an episiotomy and get him out. Originally, before giving birth, the thought of having an episiotomy was horrifying to me. Who wants there skin cut with scissors? But by this point I was exhausted and it sounded like a means to an end and I was ready for the burning to end and get that kid out. I told her to just give me an episiotomy. So on my next push I could hear her snip snip snip and the next thing I knew there was a baby boy lying on my stomach. RELIEF!! SHOCK!! EXCITEMENT!!

From the very beginning of my pregnancy when I was dying from nausea and vomiting 10 times a day…every day…for 4 months, everyone said that it would all be worth it. And although I wanted to run them all over with my car…

they were all right.

Bath Time

Kaydee — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 19:47:01 +0000

Two weeks ago today this little man came into the world. Still unbelievable.

How do I slow time down?